From the time we really talked in November until January 31st, we covered a lot of ground. It was not just roses and butterflies between us, however all discussions were deep like the Sea of Japan.
During this time, I was able to release some ugly crap that I'd been carrying for decades. Solomon was there when I got a call from a realtor wanting to buy my family home in another state. You may think, "Oh it's a money move." There's so much emotion tied to that property. The call made me have to confront my remaining levels of grief. You see, the house was built by my paternal grandfather back in 1955. It has been home to all of us and the representation of our stability as a family. The deaths of my father in 86, Aunt and cousin (her son) in 2000, grandmother in 2006, grandfather in 2009 and brother in 2016 has left me with the responsibility of the home. Let's couple that with all of the other deaths I've had to wade through emotionally over time, I was not ready to deal with this decision on my own.
When I got the call, I pulled Solomon into an office and had him listen. Then I began to heavy cry. He was there, and I was safe to release everything I've held on to since 1986. He sat and let me let go. Then talked me through calling the realtor back to at least have just a conversation. So, I left a voicemail. About 3 hours later, 30 minutes until our usual time to leave, the guy called me back. I walked by Solomon's cube. He looked up. I made a certain eye contact, and then walked into an office. About 10 minutes later, I heard the door open softly as Solomon came in and took a seat directly across from me. I maintained eye contact, holding on to the strength they poured out to me as I talked about selling the home that love and my grandfather built. He was there, and I was safe.
The process was/is not one sided. However, even though names are changed, Solomon is very private and has entrusted me with things he tells no one. Just know, I've been a steady force for him as well during his reconstruction of emotions. His openness has brought on the inner conflict. It's been hard for him to pull together how something so new can allow him to push out things of old. It has also caused him to ask questions of me that in times of old have been taken as quite disrespectful. The intent was to validate that his instinct to trust was well placed. In knowing this, the offense taken was on fleeting and we were able to keep moving forward.
Basically, our meeting has helped to prepare us for the next steps in our life paths. Reliving pains. Revealing regrets. Reawakening things we thought were put to bed, was part of this meeting's design. There were many night's I didn't sleep because his anxiety tapped into my night's sleep and I'd text "Why are you up and worrying?" He would respond "I'm so sorry." But I knew what I was getting into when opening up that portal. Other times I'd be so tired from working through my own emotions regarding childhood experiences and regretting past decisions. Working past thoughts of not being good enough had to be done and those ideas had to be defeated.
Needless to say, our encounter caused a trigger.
During this time, I was able to release some ugly crap that I'd been carrying for decades. Solomon was there when I got a call from a realtor wanting to buy my family home in another state. You may think, "Oh it's a money move." There's so much emotion tied to that property. The call made me have to confront my remaining levels of grief. You see, the house was built by my paternal grandfather back in 1955. It has been home to all of us and the representation of our stability as a family. The deaths of my father in 86, Aunt and cousin (her son) in 2000, grandmother in 2006, grandfather in 2009 and brother in 2016 has left me with the responsibility of the home. Let's couple that with all of the other deaths I've had to wade through emotionally over time, I was not ready to deal with this decision on my own.
When I got the call, I pulled Solomon into an office and had him listen. Then I began to heavy cry. He was there, and I was safe to release everything I've held on to since 1986. He sat and let me let go. Then talked me through calling the realtor back to at least have just a conversation. So, I left a voicemail. About 3 hours later, 30 minutes until our usual time to leave, the guy called me back. I walked by Solomon's cube. He looked up. I made a certain eye contact, and then walked into an office. About 10 minutes later, I heard the door open softly as Solomon came in and took a seat directly across from me. I maintained eye contact, holding on to the strength they poured out to me as I talked about selling the home that love and my grandfather built. He was there, and I was safe.
The process was/is not one sided. However, even though names are changed, Solomon is very private and has entrusted me with things he tells no one. Just know, I've been a steady force for him as well during his reconstruction of emotions. His openness has brought on the inner conflict. It's been hard for him to pull together how something so new can allow him to push out things of old. It has also caused him to ask questions of me that in times of old have been taken as quite disrespectful. The intent was to validate that his instinct to trust was well placed. In knowing this, the offense taken was on fleeting and we were able to keep moving forward.
Basically, our meeting has helped to prepare us for the next steps in our life paths. Reliving pains. Revealing regrets. Reawakening things we thought were put to bed, was part of this meeting's design. There were many night's I didn't sleep because his anxiety tapped into my night's sleep and I'd text "Why are you up and worrying?" He would respond "I'm so sorry." But I knew what I was getting into when opening up that portal. Other times I'd be so tired from working through my own emotions regarding childhood experiences and regretting past decisions. Working past thoughts of not being good enough had to be done and those ideas had to be defeated.
Needless to say, our encounter caused a trigger.
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